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By Chris Snellgrove
| Published
There are few alien creatures in Star Wars that fans hate more than the Ewoks. Some despise these little dudes because such happy-go-lucky care bears seem out of place in Return of the Jedithe climactic final act of a very serious film trilogy. Others look down on Ewoks because they represent George Lucas’ pretty blatant shift from storyteller to toy salesman. Some of the more hardcore fans, meanwhile, resent the Ewoks because they took the place of fearsome Wookies that were written into previous versions of the script.
Admittedly, the Ewoks are annoying in Return of the Jedi: they’re just so cute and so weirdly stupid that it’s mind-boggling to think they could, Viet Cong style, overcome the best of the Empire’s highly-trained, highly-armed Stormtroopers. However, outside of that movie, the Ewoks can be pretty funny, especially when they engage in very weird, very public displays of horniness. Don’t believe it? Then it’s time to travel back to a long, long time ago, to a special Halloween episode of the Today Show in which a drunken Ewok kept humping Al Roker’s leg on live television!
Meet The Galaxy’s Horniest Ewok
If you don’t usually watch the Today ShowI don’t blame you. Most of the time, the show is all about vapid people exchanging empty smiles while they discuss even emptier topics, all to avoid offending their target demographic: elderly people who have become one with the couch. Every now and then, though, this aging talk show delivers us a moment of off-kilter brilliance. That’s exactly what happened in 2009, when the Today Show aired a Halloween special that was all about Star Wars. We get to see Al Roker dressed as Han Solo, which would honestly be reason enough to watch this surreal clip from a bygone era.
This whole segment was lighthearted, which is likely why producers included a couple of Ewoks. The Ewoks were hilariously out of character, acting a bit more like Gremlins as the hosts demonstrated how to get the decorations and wine just right for a Halloween party. Things get even weirder when one of the Ewoks approaches a host, only to be told, “down, boy, down! Down. Sit, sit! Good dog.” While you are still reeling from the weird space racism, something wild happens: the chastised Ewok tries to run away with a martini while the other one apparently starts groping one of the hosts. “What’s he doing behind me?” she cries, before noting “they’re awfully frisky.”
When He Can’t Stop Establishing Dominance
Believe it or not, all of that weirdness was just an appetizer leading to the main course. The brown Ewok who had been seemingly grabbing butts earlier starts demonstrating his moonwalking skills to a delighted Al Roker. When Roker points out his moves, the Ewok one-ups things by doing the freaking stanky leg. He continues dancing as he shuffles towards the man and, without warning, starts dry-humping Roker’s leg! After the critter backs off, a chuckling Roker can only say, “I feel so dirty.”
Insanely enough, the brown Ewok wasn’t done making everything as perverted as possible. He gets down on the floor and begins doing push-ups. When a guest points out the creature’s calisthenics, he stops doing push-ups and starts passionately humping the straw-covered floor. This is the final “straw” for Roker, who jokes that his guests from Better Homes and Gardens must be excited to witness all this before he cuts to a commercial.
Honestly, this is probably my favorite Star Wars media of the last 20 years. Everything just gets stranger as the clip goes on, and it’s amazing to see the Ewoks as we’ve never seen them before: drunk, handsy, and obscenely horny. It’s very obvious that Al Roker was expecting none of this, and it’s hard to stop laughing while he gets molested by the most hated alien in all of Star Wars, all on live television. However, I can’t help but question the Today Show hosts’ knowledge of this galaxy far, far away. Roker shouldn’t have been so impressed by moonwalking. After all, on the forest moon of Endor, all walking is moonwalking!
